MHC VS THE LILLIPUTIONS

The following has been fabricated (it’s fiction) for your amusement by the website “MHC vs THE LILLIPUTIONS.  Remember the Lilliputions (they stood 6” high)  from Johnathan Swift’s book “Gulliver’s Travels.”   MHC, now ELS, is run by the infamous Sam Zell (billionaire real estate mogul).  Zell is the one who increased rents at a mobile home park in Santa Cruz by $5,000 a month (the city fought it as long as they could, eventually allowing the increase to take effect when homes were sold).

We publish this for two reasons: 1) Some of this “fiction” is very close to the truth and 2) It is happening all over the country.  Enjoy!
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Dismantle Clubhouse in any way possible. This is a high priority item. Clubhouses pose a serious threat in that they provide the residents with a place to gang up.

Variations include but are not limited to:

  1. Remove gathering spots like fireplaces.
    2. Remove furniture.
    3. Remodel kitchen area. Never finish the job.
    4. Charge astronomical fees for use of Clubhouse. Call them insurance fees.
    5. Require a permit for any alcohol consumption on premises. Blame local ordinances.
    6. Lock all previously unlocked doors and require asking for a key from management.
    7. Do not allow residents space for clubhouse table.
    8. Turn heat down or off altogether. If they want to get warm they can wear more clothes.
    9. If Clubhouse “accidentally” burns down, do not replace it.

If park is age restricted, change that. Allow anyone and everyone to move in to park.

If community is gated or guarded in any way, take it down. We are not in the business of private security.

Raise all fees possible including but not limited to water, garbage, sewer, and septic.

Introduce Draconian leases full of ” legalese”. These should be at least 40 pages long.

Conduct regular inspections of home-sites. Liberally distribute citations for lease violations. Threaten with eviction.

Suggest in lease that neighbors rat on each other about possible lease violations. Follow up on all tips. Threaten with eviction.

Arrange for regular reassessments of fair market rents. Wear a suit when conducting the survey. Carry a briefcase. Wear sunglasses. Remain aloof and non-communicative.

Increase rents at least but not limited to annually. Insure that rents are higher than anyplace else in town. (Remember they have nowhere else to go and those pesky state laws do not limit the frequency or amount of increases anymore.)

Delay road maintenance whenever possible. Potholes are good for keeping walkers off the streets.

Trim trees and shrubs only when residents demand action. Claim to have an annual maintenance program.

Fire all existing management. Give no reason. Give 48 hours to leave.

Fire local management annually. Give no reason. Allow 48 hours to leave.

If homeowners want something, go out of your way to make sure they do not get it.

Undermine ability to sell homes by undercutting prices and insisting on astronomical rents upon any new sales.

Hijack park newsletter. Allow no unflattering articles regarding park management or maintenance

Finally respond to all requests and inquiries with ” If you don’t like it here MOVE!”